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Anger

Negative qualities
Anger is a strong feeling of being annoyed or not satisfied against someone or something. It is a feeling of dislike or opposition. It makes you want to hurt, criticize, or shout at someone, be unfriendly towards them or argue with them. You feel angry because someone has behaved in a way that is bad, unfair, hurtful or offensive towards you, or because you think that a situation is unfair or unacceptable.

It is a mistaken belief that your anger is caused by other people. It is simplistic thinking that if you are angry it’s because someone makes you angry. If this is your belief, then you are allowing others to control your emotions when you should be the one who has control over your own emotions. How you feel is a reaction to external events. You have the power to decide what your reactions will be if you so choose. Only you can choose how you feel, so if you choose anger that’s what you get – feeling angry.

When you get angry, you give up control of your emotion. What someone has done or said to make you angry is not important to you. What is important to you is your own self who is experiencing a negative emotion. It’s you whom you should take care of so why allow yourself to feel anger and suffer the emotional, mental and physical consequences that will follow from this angry feeling? Look upon what causes you to be angry as a challenge to your feeling. You can beat off the challenge by choosing not to be angry. If however you can’t and become angry, you are defeated.

Even if you feel your anger is justifiable anger, there is still no wisdom in feeling angry. Nothing good can arise from by being angry. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose. Say, a friend or a relative passes a tactless remark. You feel hurt and get angry even though their remark may have no real intention to cause the hurt that you feel. You respond swiftly and strongly, and with hostility. You may possibly walk out. You think the other person deliberately made you angry so you have no choice but to leave. It is your belief that no one has a right to pass an insensitive remark like that that you are not being helpful or careful.

Perhaps, you may want to have an urgent self-examination or pose the question to your own self as to whether you are overly sensitive. What if their remark proves to be right? Otherwise, completely ignore the remark and your negative emotion of anger ceases and you regain control of yourself. The key to ending your anger is forgiveness. Forgiveness replaces anger; you cannot have both at the same time. Besides, the person who supposedly angered you may have forgotten what he has said or done to you. So only you are suffering, not he.

Anger feeds on itself. The more you dwell on the person or a situation that causes you to feel anger, the angrier you become. Ask yourself if you need to harbour such a steadily worsening negative emotion within you? It causes you persistent anxiety and distress. It severely undermines your effectiveness as a person. You certainly deserve something better than that. Learn to control your emotions rather than letting it control you. Resolve from now that you will never be angry again till the end of your life.

If you examine or think about your anger carefully in order to understand it better, you may find your anger with other people could be a direct result of the feeling of personal inadequacy. In other words, you have the suppressed feeling that you are not as good, clever, skilled etc as other people. Your disappointment arising from failure to meet personal expectation could also be the underlying cause of your anger. For example, you fail to achieve what you set out to do. If this indeed is the reason for your anger, the remedy lies in rectifying from within.

Always practise self-control as far as your emotions are concerned. You are always a winner if you consistently maintain your composure while other people get angry. Anger portrays you as a weak person with a fault in your character. Self-control is of immense importance considering that when you lose your temper, you tend to behave in a silly or unwise way. You react swiftly. You say things that are lacking in good sense – things that you will not say in normal circumstances, only to regret later. Live a life without regret will be a better choice.

Once you grasp the idea that you create the emotion of anger in response to external events and that you are not your emotion, you stand a better chance of eliminating or at least minimizing it. In other words, you make your anger; you are not anger. Don’t identify yourself with your anger, just separate yourself from your anger and you are on the way to overcoming it.