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Home NLP Presuppositions 2. Effective communication lies in its response

Effective communication lies in its response

NLP Presuppositions
Effective communication is more than just conveying wholly what you want. It is the response that matters. The meaning of your communication may not be accurately interpreted and the response may be different from what you intend it to be. People respond according to what they think you mean. To elicit the right response, the responsibility lies with you to communicate in a manner that enables the other person to understand exactly what you mean.

You need to be constantly focused on the other person’s responses to what you are saying. Instead of assuming that he will grasp all that you say, change your communication accordingly until the desired outcome is obtained. How you say it is more important than what you say. You need to talk to them rather than at them. There are no such things as failures in communication, only responses and feedback; so if the response differs from what you want, adjust the way you are communicating.

The traditional belief was that two persons engaged in communication are equally responsible for its success, which is a 50-50 share. One partner who thinks he has done his best may blame the other for the failure of the mutually beneficial communication. Thus, the communication terminates there. No favourable outcome is achieved. If you are a salesman, the termination is your loss as you end up not making any sale. Take responsibility for the success of the communication and understand that the fault lies with you even if you honestly feel you have communicated to the utmost best of your ability. Change your way of communicating whenever you have to.

Words made up only about seven percent of communication. The rest of ninety-three percent is non-verbal signs in tone (38 percent) and body language (55 percent). Misunderstanding can easily arise whenever spoken words and non-verbal signs do not match. If you volunteer to help a friend and no matter how much you express verbally your willingness and sincerity to help, he still declines your offer. What would your reactions be? Getting angry with him and thinking him foolish or feeling disappointed will not alter the outcome. Try to understand why he declines and most probably, you find your verbal and non-verbal communications do not match. Or your voice does not sound sincere or your body language does not display the required enthusiasm to help.

Children who disobey their parents are not necessarily disobedient. There is likely to be some failure by the parents to communicate adequately with their children. Employees who have done something quite different from their employer’s wishes may have misunderstood the orders; teachers who blame their students who have not understood fully for being stupid and inattentive may have themselves to blame for not conveying clear instructions; you give feedback to a friend with good intention of helping him but he feels offended may well be a result of how you give the feedback.

A lot of your time and effort can be wasted if your communication fails to obtain the desired response or outcome. If your personal success or job depends largely on your ability to communicate well, interacting with people, managing them or depending on them, you need this communication skill. In a multi-racial environment, skill in communication is an essential prerequisite to avoid misunderstanding. As an effective communicator, you can have far more control over your relationships and outcomes. Always aim to shift the responsibility for effective communication to yourself.